When Midlife Strikes

They say life begins at forty. No. Not really. At least not in my case. During my fourth decade I had to go through a sad marital estrangement. I had to get my life in order from being married to being single. I had to play mom and dad to my teen-aged offspring. I needed to put my finances in order to live a relatively comfortable life.

All of these were just dress-rehearsals, in preparation for when I get reborn in my fifties.

At fifty, my biggest self-built inhibitions fell off like flakes of dry skin, not too different from a snake shedding its scales. What was left behind may be a little bit wrinkly and saggy but the spirit underneath has become more fiery.

Should I blame it on the onslaught of testosterone as my hormones run amok within my system? Has my mental and emotional capacity to understand life deepened as a result of the quantity of experiences I have weathered? Is my exposure to various kinds of people and places the culprit of this upheaval in my EQ?

I do not overthink things anymore, not because I don’t have the time but because I refuse to. A decade ago, I would think twice before going out to do some physical activity. Now, I just grab whatever I need, slam the door behind me, and get on with whatever I intend to do: jog, bike, drive, walk…

I still keep some old habits, though, especially when it comes to dealing with the grown-up child still living under my roof. But the rituals are slowly diminishing.

I have stopped trying to define relationships. Labels keep changing anyway: stranger, acquaintance, friend, steady boyfriend, ex-boyfriend, stranger… so why even bother putting a stamp on it in the first place? Maybe I’ll just name everything and everyone “encounters”.

There is of course the downside to this rebirth. It marks the beginning of the second half of a lifetime. If I allow myself to be morbid, I’d say it’s my second and last chance to a good life before advanced age, diminished capacity, sickness and death claim me. But right now, I draw a thick curtain of protection from these thoughts as I bask in the healthiest period of my life, both physically and mentally.

For as long as I maintain my enthusiasm for life, carry an open heart to love without expectations, show kindness without discrimination, discuss with open mind and express myself without fear of judgment, then I’ll be all right. Let midlife strike. It won’t be a crisis.